he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
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