the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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