What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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