the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Couch. On fire.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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