thus making me awesome and them whores
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize