I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
