I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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