Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
This house was built for laser tag.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize