Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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