You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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