ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
