Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
