Old men and throwing up are my life now.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
is that a dick in a sweater?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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