our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
