i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
