I can't breathe out the right side of my face
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
