i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
