I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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