apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize