party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
