he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
