It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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