She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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