ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
