he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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