He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
