I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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