every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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