Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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