my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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