3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
So here I am, sexting at work.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
