nut hugger
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
