i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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