watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
