Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize