Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
