The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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