she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
