Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
