whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
