I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
