so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
