wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
