she smelled like a LAN party
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
