i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
should my penis look like a turkey
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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