As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
