I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
