guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
