We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
