I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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