yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
