You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
