If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
