Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
