she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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