I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
