i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Randomize
