I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
