So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
