Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
