Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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