Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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