please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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